What Seemed like a Lifetime

 I must warn you that this post is going to show before and after pictures from my surgery. So if you get a little squeamish you might want to prepare yourself for the two pictures that may cause you to do more that say "OMG"!!!!  

This first picture was take after I had already had my braces on for a while.

Now for the after pictures.  These were taken the day we arrived back home. A lot of the swelling had gone down, according to my hubby, who said I was swollen to about the size of a basketball.

this is how I slept

propped up on the couch

We had already made plans for a family member to come & stay with the kids while we were gone and to help with my care afterwards since she had just retired from being an oral surgeons assistant & knew everything about the procedure. Finally home! As I sat there waiting for my hubby to walk around to help me out, I remember seeing our youngest come out with a look on his face that you just can't describe.  The two oldest were kinda the same.  There was this awkward distance between me & the kids, not knowing what to do or say.....

meds chart

Once we arrived home we soon realized that there were going to be some hurdles to overcome. Communicating was difficult but I was able to use a dry erase board to write things down.
My medicine were all in pill form. The problem with that is I couldn't swallow very well and I had a palatal splint that was held in place with some wire that I had to keep in for 6-8wks. All my pills had to be crushed w/ a pill crusher.  They tasted AWFUL!!! After looking through some recipe's from a couple of books given to me on, Meals Through a Straw, finding one that would hide the taste of the pills took a few tries but milk shakes were the best.  One time I thought I would try to see if I could swallow a pill.  Against the advise of my hubby, I took half of one of my small pills.  It started to go down but then got stuck & I started to choke on it.  For nutrition, I was told I needed a lot of protein.  The best way at the time was drinking Slim Fast or Ensure.  I had a lot of chicken & beef broth also.  But that can get old after a while. My hubby & aunt came up with some meals to blend to give me some variety.  Everything they made, they tried first.  If they didn't like it, I didn't get it. We had one blender but soon had to buy another one because it was always being used.  People wonder how I "ate". It was through a large syringe w/ a short tube that I could fit through a gap between my teeth. I am very thankful for all they did but also for Dr. Spillers Orthodontics, who came by one evening after work to deliver a gift basket & for our sunday school class from Second Baptist Church that had been praying & providing meals for my family. It took a lot to take care of my needs and this was a great help for my hubby & aunt. They didn't have to worry about taking care of me, cooking & feeding the 5 of them too.We are so blessed to be apart of a church family that love the Lord & serve to those in need.
I will never forget the first time I yawned. It hurt!! Then it dawned on me that I hadn't yawned for over a week. I had to place my hands under my chin & jaw every time to keep my mouth from opening.

everything I needed close by

At the beginning I didn't get up much but when I did I had vertigo really bad.  Thankfully I had my walker from when I had my back surgery 5 months prior but even w/ that I need help to get up to grab hold of my walker & still had to have someone guide & help me to the bathroom. With all the other things that were being done for me, when I took a shower, I had to be bathed. I couldn't drive for almost 2-3months because the vertigo was so bad. I had never felt so helpless in my life.  For those who really know me, asking for help wasn't something I did often. I have always had this "take care of myself" mentality.  I felt so bad because if they weren't blending meals & meds, getting my heat/cold compresses, they were cleaning up, sanitizing (aunt has celiacs disease) & taking care of all the "house stuff" &3 kids on very little sleep. My sleeping schedule was off and so was theirs. We did have better days.  Like the time we were watching America's Funniest Home Video's & I couldn't stop laughing.  Try having a laughing spell while trying to keep your mouth closed!  
The day came that I could take off my bandages. With the adhesive, I knew the bandages would probably come off easier if I took a hot shower. The bandages weren't coming off very easy & I started to get weak and was becoming over heated from the hot water. I told my hubby that I wasn't feeling well & felt like I was going to pass out. Next thing I knew, I was waking up on the bathroom floor, still wet w/ him & his aunt hovering over me. Thankfully he was there to catch me the best he could to prevent me from injuring my face or my back. There was this time where all my syringes & tubing were about wore out. We need to find some more. We went to the fire station & the firemen gave us tubing and his aunt called someone she used to work w/ & she mailed us some supplies hoping we could use them. 
I had elastics that were placed in 3 areas to keep my teeth together, not like a long time ago when they wired them shut. This was something I couldn't do by myself yet.  Our living room & my recliner became like a dentist office. I would recline back in the recliner while my hubby held the flash light & a cheek back while his aunt put my elastics on. This was not easy. Especially w/ a swollen mouth & rubber bands that would pop off or break once on & having to redo them.
 I started hallucinate from the meds. I would wake up in the middle of the night & what ever was on the TV had that computerized animated look.  That was so weird!!  But the worst was waking up not being able to breathe.  Remember the suction from the hospital I spoke of in my last post? Well my mechanical hubby put together a suction for me out of this thing that was for-I really dont know what it was-it was a man toy. LoL! It wasn't as good as the one at the hospital, but it worked. Many times I woke up with fear & anxiety because I was not able to breathe out of my mouth or nose from all the drainage, clots & swelling. And I would start to panic trying to find the tube for my suction & then hoped it would work because there were times there wasn't much suction. It was an experience I never want to relive again. My 1wk post op came & we all drove an 1 1/2 to the doc's office. It was my first time out of the house.The room was full when we got there. You'll have to imagine the thoughts that were going through all their minds. Nothing was said but looks can say a lot. At the doc's office I had x-rays done, stitches take out from the 3 areas where they had to place screws, and my mouth checked over. I had a total of 12 screws & 4 plates for upper jaw, 9 screws & 1 plate for lower, #3 two screws, #14 two screws,  Everything was good & we were on our way back home until the next follow up visit. My hubby & aunt took shifts once he had to go back to work. But it was still a full time job taking care of me. I could see how exhausted each of them were but they pulled through the best they could. I know I'm leaving a lot out since I was so out of it & on meds but words cannot express how appreciative I was for all that they did. 

              These next few pictures were taken the day of Thanksgiving. Still not so pretty...

The towel was my "bib" & I was drinking
chicken broth

hot/cold compress

My Thanksgiving Dinner in a syringe!  Yes, it tasted like Thanksgiving dinner!!

trying to smile

my other bed

By the time his aunt had to leave I was doing much better. Still had a lot of vertigo & wore out quickly but I was where I could do some things on my own while my hubby & kiddos were gone during the day. I still had  more follow up appointments to go to but my second post op visit surprised me because I didn't realized I had a wire that was below the gum that looked like a horse shoe around my tooth that needed to be removed. It was a small surgery done w/ local anesthetic & I had 8 stitches. I also found out that my recovery just from the surgery was 6-18 months and full recovery up to 5yrs, with the chance of the problems not being completely solved (this part I knew).  Only time would tell.  

Looking at myself during this time was hard.  I wasn't sure what to expect once the swelling went away. But I was able to handle it better at this point because I knew & others knew that I was still in that recovery time period. The months to follow began my journey of those low points I went through.  It was a time where I started to have an identity crisis & insecurities began to set in.  Emotions I haven't felt in a long time started to rise up again. Feelings I thought I had overcome became apparent that I had just tucked them away and whether or not I wanted to, it was time to deal with them.  

But that is for another time....

The Season Begins

I was so excited this morning because I had planned to finally take the time to sit and post something.  I had been meaning to do this for a while but so much has been going on that I have wanted to share but I just didn't know where to start. This can really end up like reading a book so I will fill you in a little at a time. But, I can say that I am at one of those high points in my walk with the Lord, but that didn't come until I went through some low points.  It's not that the Lord wasn't there, but as I learned last night in my bible study, He was just working on the foundations for what was to come. 
The past 3 or 4 years, I was going through a time where my life was an emotional roller coaster. I could tell the Lord was working but I really didn't have a clear understanding of why things were going like they were...up & down,up & down....can anyone else identify with me on this one???
After a few years of having a part time job & going through some trials and 2 surgeries & 1 surgery still to come,the Lord finally got my attention that I needed to go back to being a full time mom. This decision came during the 5 month window between my second & third surgery.  It was my 3rd surgery where I began to hit those low points.  This surgery consisted of having braces, again, and a total reconstruction of my upper & lower jaw, chin & a little bone removal-long story, but for a little understanding, the braces I had a as kid were not done properly. 
It was November 2010. We have been preparing 2 1/2 yrs for this surgery. The day finally came to take the 1 1/2 drive to where my surgery was being done. The surgery wasn't until the next day but had all the pre-op stuff to do. We checked in to our hotel & my man took me to Red Lobster b/c he knew this was one of my favorite places to eat & wanted me to enjoy my "last meal". I wasn't nervous the day of the surgery until it came to the time to get the IV started.  I hate IV's!!  And it just so happened, this time there were problems.  I hadn't had anything to drink since midnight & since my surgery wasn't until 1pm, I was very dehydrated. After 3 nurses sticking me I dont know how many times, me to the point of passing out, the doc coming in to see what was taking so long, they were finally able to get it going just enough to get the "feel good" meds in.  I was out before they opened the curtain to roll me back.  
Facebook was/is a very good place to inform a lot of people at one time.  So my sweet husband keep everyone updated through posts & texts for the 8hrs I was in surgery. I know this time was nerve racking for him b/c it wasn't expected to take that long. Come to find out the saw wasn't working so they got a new one then they went through 4 blades. The blades kept breaking b/c I seem to have some pretty tough bones! It was late at night by the time I was in my room.
I remember waking up and my first thoughts were "WHAT DID I JUST DO!!!!!!!!"  at the same time I heard the assistant doc say to my hubby, "she's probably thinking, what did I just do, but dont worry things will get better & the swelling will go down".  I was still pretty out of it. I remember looking down & saw my right fore arm was all bruised & taped where my surgeon had to put in two more IV's. I was happy that those to were able to come out but the one in my left arm had to stay in. I tried to keep my eyes open but they were so tired. My face & head felt so heavy. It was hard to breath. I couldn't swallow-my tongue & mouth were so swollen. I kept the suction in my hand at all times. I depended on that to breathe & because I couldn't swallow, to suction all the drainage. I hurt. I was so weak. I had to groan because I couldn't speak. I was sick all night,morning,& afternoon. Couldn't keep anything down. I remember one time I started feeling sick. Opened my eyes to see my hubby sitting in a chair, arms folded, head tilted back against the wall w/ his eyes shut. I hated to wake him again, but he was all the help I had. He was so exhausted from being up for so long,waiting through the surgery & taking care of me. I was suppose to leave the hospital at noon to check in at my doc's office then head back home. But I was still too sick. Finally, w/ hubbys help, I got up & went into the bathroom. I glanced in the mirror & looked away. My hubby told me a lot of the swelling had already gone down. Even so, nothing could have prepared me for that first look. I took a shower, got my pj's on with the help of my hubby & decided I just had to go. Got packed up, in the wheel chair with my bucket and off we went. I just wanted to get in the truck & get to my doc's office. But getting from my room & waiting for the truck to pull up seemed like forever-mainly because of all the looks I got. I would try to keep looking down but there were times I would look up & someone was staring at me. It didn't upset me really, but I knew it was a sight to see, I had seen myself so I did want to hurry up & leave.  We arrived to my doc's office. He met us outside & got us in through the back & as soon as I sat down I got sick.  He checked me out, listened to my stomach, & we finally came up with- I don't do well w/ morphine! This makes sense b/c 5 months earlier I was real sick after my back surgery but the nurses there thought it was from the anesthesia, now realize it was the morphine. My oral surgeon orders for his patients to be off the morphine at a certain time but b/c I couldn't keep the oral stuff down the decision was made, not by my doc, to keep me on the morphine pump. "The sickness may not have lasted that long, but oh well, whats done is done. Now we know." I thought. He gave me a dose of zophran (spelling??)in the vein to help w/ the nausea in hopes that would last our 1 1/2hr ride home. Everything else looked good in my mouth. We set up 1wk post-op appt and off we went, finally headed home. I slept most the way there & started feeling better since the morphine was out of my system. I was happy to finally pull up in our drive way and just be home....the worst was over.....so I thought. 

Melissa's Moments will be continued... ;)